


Your Mind Will Be My Home

by emberKat22



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/M, Mephisto being Mephisto, Obsessive Behavior, slightly Yandere Lewin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:42:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25350331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emberKat22/pseuds/emberKat22
Summary: Arthur knows he is most likely the closest relationship—that isn’t decade’s worth of one-side obsession— that Lewin has. This means that by consequence he is also the person closest to you.Arthur doesn’t particularly like you but he doesn’t hate you—except in moments like these. His body is rigid and tense, the silence of the room choking him but he doesn’t dare open his mouth. It’s not his business and he doesn’t want to get involved but somehow he’s the one that always ends up dealing with the aftermath of your existence. You had left again. Slipping away like sand through Lewin’s fingers. As hard as Lewin tries, he can never seem to catch you.Lewin looked as though he was daydreaming but his thumb was pressed in between his teeth and Arthur was sure Lewin would worry it until the appendage began to bleed. If Arthur wasn’t the assigned partner of the man then he would have avoided Lewin just like everyone else was. His anger was cloying and contaminated everything around him. It was unpleasant and would only dissipate when Lewin would discover your new location. Lewin would see you again. It was obsession in its purest form and Arthur truly couldn’t understand it.
Relationships: Lewin Light/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Your Mind Will Be My Home

**Author's Note:**

> I tried my best to keep Lewin as in character as possible. He is both absolutely fun and extremely difficult to write.

“Can you believe she’s still an exwire at thirty?”

“ I heard that her family disowned her”

“… They’re quite famous! All the family members are highly skilled tamers”

“She can’t even summon a small spirit . . .”

“why is she here”

“ …A waste”

“useless”

They all liked to whisper. Some liked to take extra care in making sure you “accidently” overheard. Honestly, the fools. They seemed to think that you were insecure and upset at lacking the skills to move up in the ranks. You frankly didn’t care about ranks. You were content and happy and that is all that matters. You didn’t mind doing the small and meaningless tasks as it gave you more free time to do the things you wanted to do. Besides _someone_ has to do the menial tasks otherwise nothing would ever get done. It surprised you at how incompetent some of the high ranking exorcists could be at the most basic of tasks. Ego and pride are humanity’s pitfalls and it seems the higher people go in life the stronger those failings become.

“Alana!! Alana! Yoo whoo? You alive in there?”

 _Ouch._ You were brought out of your musings by the ever forward and blunt Shura who had decided to forcefully poke you in the forehead to get you attention. You rubbed the new red mark on your head with a frown marring your face, “Honestly Shura was that really necessary?”

She let out a mischievous smile, “Of course! You weren’t paying attention even after I called you, so violence seemed like the best answer. Honestly you are always getting caught up in your head and spacing out and with the way you make those weird expressions, it’s like you have another person in your head that you’re talking to all the time”.

You were kind of offended at her attempt at mimicking your facial expressions.

Shura placed her hand behind her head in a relaxed position and let out a light giggle. “Honestly I’m surprised that you’re not asleep right now”.

“Hey, I don’t sleep all the time!” you exclaimed in protest. Everyone believed that you had narcolepsy as you tended to fall asleep suddenly and sleep often. You were inclined to let everyone believe so. They didn’t need to know the truth.

Shura flippantly waved her hand back and forth muttering a sarcastic sure. Honestly, Shura was always poking fun at you.

“Where are you off to Shura? I thought you had training duties today?”

“I did, but it was boring—”

“Is that really something a teacher should be saying?

Shura shrugged nonchalantly, “I’m unconventional. Besides you try watching those brats spend hours trying to master basic castings. Honestly, it’s either sleep or go explore. The later sounded more interesting—did you know Arthur and Lightning are coming today to stay at the Japanese branch for a while? Arthur is only staying for a few days but I heard from Mephisto that Lighting is staying around for a while. He wants me to keep an eye on the bastard. Keep it hush hush okay?” Shura said, placing her index finger over her lips, “Hey! Do you want to come poke fun at Arthur with me? He’s always so hoity toity Mr. high and mighty, gah! Really, I can’t that guys condescendingness!”

“While that does sound interesting, I have other plans that involve me and the new sweet shop in the city.” _And I have no desire to see either Arthur or Lewin Light._

“Suit yourself, I’ll catch you later!”

You gave a soft smile and a wave in return and then proceeded to immediately head to the closest and farthest exit from Arthur and Lighting.

The sweet shop lived up to its hype. The food was as beautiful as it was tasty and you ended up spending way more money than originally intended.

_“This chocolate cake is amazing! It’s like someone took a chocolate cake from my dreams and made it reality!”_

**“Agreed, I quite like it as well. We should try the lemon bar and—there’s someone watching us.”**

You casually closed your eyes as if you were relaxing, in order to hide that your normal green eyes had now become a vibrant purple with cat like slit pupils.

_“How far away? Human or Demon?”_

**“About a mile. Human and a few low ranking summons. He’s good, I almost didn’t notice him. Do you think it’s that man?”**

_“It’s either him or Mephisto. He does like to stalk his employees and students. He is quite the information hoarder but he usually only teases me. Were not on any kind of mission or interacting with anyone special so he has no reason to follow us, which means it’s probably that idiot. It’s probably best if we leave.”_

**“Head towards the alley way to your left. We’ll lose him there.”**

**\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

A disheveled man in a safari hat approached the alley. He had his summons helping him spy on you. He deduced that it wasn’t coincidence that you had suddenly left and taken an alley that was out of his line of sight. You had somehow noticed him. Surprising, as he had been so far away.

He stared intently at a black mark on one of the bricks in the alley and muttered with an obsessive look in his eyes, “interesting”.

He had caught the scent of something that sparked his curiosity and he didn’t want to let it go.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He met you when you were twelve and he was sixteen. He was visiting your family’s estate with his teacher. Your family was highly respected in the order and often hosted visits from high ranking exorcists to further the relationship between your family and the order. Lewin was not particularly excited for diplomatic talks but he was interested in seeing what according to his teacher’s words is the “greatest tamer family the order has ever seen”.

He was right in his assumption that the talks between his teacher and the family heads would be boring and soon left to explore the estate. He did take note that only one of the family head’s daughters had been introduced. She was pleasant enough and her father had her demonstrate her summoning skills to his teacher. She was clearly skillful and from the smile on the family leader’s faces, she was the pride of the family. But he had read that there were two girls, so where was the other one?

His journey took him out into the gardens and the very stereotypical hedge maze that rich people always seemed to have. Really what was the point of having large amounts of bushes cut to form linear pathways?

He didn’t understand it but he found it peaceful none the less. The hedges were high and their thick foliage acted as a noise canceller creating an isolated space. He was searching for the center of the maze when he heard a chirping noise. He looked into the hedge on his left and found a blue jay nest with a mother jay screeching at the intruder. He gathered that very few people actually came through the maze as this nesting location would not be ideal if there was heavier foot traffic. He was undeterred by the angry mother bird and proceeded to remove the nest from its position in the branches. The furious mother began to peck at him, attempting to target his face but he simply swatted it away.

 _Oh I guess I used too much strength._ He thought apathetically as he stared at the crumpled form of the mother blue jay on the ground. Its fragile wing bent at an odd angle as it struggled to get up. He wanted to look at the nest to see its construction and the odd looking featherless babies inside. He was just about to reach and grab one of the baby birds when you showed up.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing!?”

He hadn’t heard you come up at all and your appearance rather surprised him. He took in your appearance. You seemed to be a few years younger than him and were rather dirty with your dress torn and covered in mud and your once neatly groomed hair was roughed up and wild on top of your head, the hair clip that once kept the style all to together hanging half-haphazardly at the end of a clump of hair. He would probably be in a similar state but his teacher had made him take a shower and put on “proper” clothes. Unconsciously he reached up and loosened his tie.

Your eyes were rather captivating. They were quite green. Judging from the fire in your eyes, the pursed look on your face, your assertive posture, and tone of voice, he gathered that you were angry. Although having never met you before and therefore having no previous interactions, he was unsure as to why you were angry.

Deciding it was best not to keep the small angry girl waiting, he simply replied “I wanted to see the nest and birds. Also aren’t you a little young to be cursing?”.

The look on your face got darker and your cheeks puffed up even more. It was clearly not the answer you wanted to hear. “So what!? What gives you the right to bother that poor mother bird and her babies? Also I will talk however the fuck I want!”

 _Ah, her language escalated._ He doesn’t know what response you are looking for. He doesn’t understand other people and their emotions in situations like this. He’s been told before that stuff he had done is wrong, socially unacceptable, and cruel. He learned early on that he wasn’t like others. He didn’t feel like other people did. He tried to understand society’s conventions but he couldn’t find the logic in their behavior. It seemed pointless, but for the most part he still played along. It was more of a hassle to deal with people when he didn’t. The berating yells and words followed by punishment that occurred when he didn’t follow the rules focused unnecessary attention on him. According to his parents and doctors he needed “help” and their “help” usually meant locking him up in boring institutions and forced to take unnecessary medication. It didn’t help that he had developed a strong fascination of demons and the occult. He already knew how to summon, lesser demons before then True Cross American Branch, plucked him from his less than stellar life. So, while he did not experience emotions the same way as others, he quickly learned to mimic them and they finally stopped placing him in captivity. Still, he stuck out as different. Despite his acting, people always seemed to know that there was something not quite right about him. He figured it was an instinctual warning and wherever Lewin went whispers and murmurs followed.

Normally he would put in some effort, but he was too damn tired to bother putting on a façade. His annoyance at your presence was clear as he sighed, “I was curious. The bushes were obscuring my view.”

You looked at him like how most humans look at him, like he’s a freak. Although you go a step further and says it bluntly to his face, “You’re a freak. Doing something just because you are curious!? I can’t fucking believe you!!Leave here right now and if I spot you bothering these birds or any other animals or even the damn plants then I will punch you in the face and break you pretty nose! Got it!?”

He appreciates the honesty. Even at the age of twelve, you don’t mince your words to appropriate some kind of fake politeness.

“You think my nose is pretty?”

The aura of anger emanating from you became almost palpable. He had no doubt in that moment that you really would break his nose.

He raised his hands placatingly, “Sorry, sorry I will be on my way”, but before he leaves he wants to know one thing, “Who are you?”

“I’m Alana Vortune and you’re on my fucking enemy list.”

 _How amusing, enemy list? Where did she learn such language_? He doesn’t realize as he’s leaving that there is a particular smile on his face. A smile he gets when his interest is peaked.

The next day he finally finds his way to the center of the maze. It had been his goal the previous day but he had been interrupted by a wrathful hedge spirit. You certainly looked the part with all the leaves and dirt on your clothes and in your hair. There was a smaller part of himself, an almost unconscious part that hoped he would run into you again. In the center of the maze was a massive rose garden with flowers in various pink, purples, and yellows all surrounding a large white gazeebo with vibrant vines climbing up the trellises. There he found you with a book talking to yourself.

“Well that’s kind of messed up”

“Well, I mean no but—hey don’t try to change the subject!”

“You can’t run away from me!”

He starts his approach and is surprised when you suddenly turn around. It’s the second time you have managed to surprise him. He’s a naturally quiet walker and with his love of observation he has gotten quite skill full at not being seen or heard.

Your face purses up like it did yesterday. “What are you doing here weirdo?”

“I wanted to find the center of the maze.”

“Well you found it. Now leave.”

He ignores your demand. “Who were you talking to?”.

“Imaginary friend.”

Your deadpan response doesn’t match up with the topic of your answer. People are usually more enthusiastic about their imaginary friends. He doesn’t have a good reason to doubt you but he has always trusted his instincts and they’re telling him that you are lying, and he is going to figure out why.

His interest in you was growing in his mind, creeping slowly, much like the young shoots of vines beginning their tenuous climb up the gazebo.

Much to your chagrin, Lewin made it his goal to annoy and pester you during his last few days at the Vortune estate. It wasn’t annoying in the typical sense, like your annoying cousin who talked to you as if you are some wild animal or the constant beratement by parents for your failure to summon. No, it wasn’t like that at all. All fucking Lewin had to do to be annoying was find you.

Every. Damn. Day

No matter where you hid, he would find you. You climbed up the tallest tree in the forest located within the estate property and he still found you. He would always try to stay at distance to watch you but he couldn’t avoid your detection. He would always laugh when he was found and proceed to ask you questions. Towards the last two days you grudgingly accepted him as a temporary fixture in your life.

You were both sitting under the gazeebo again, you reading and him sleeping. Well you thought he was sleeping. It was hard to tell with his hair and hat.

Unbeknownst to you he wasn’t sleeping but was instead observing you. Up this close, he didn’t trigger what he had coined as your ‘natural weirdo detection system’. He was rather enjoying watching the expressions change on your face. Even without speaking it looked as though you were having a conversation with yourself. Suddenly your eyes darted up to his. Did you figure out that he wasn’t sleeping?

“Lewin! Leeeeewwiiiin! Wake up!”

Well it seems that you didn’t catch him this time. He pretended to be asleep before sitting up to face you.

You had a thoughtful look on your face. “Lewin why are you so weird?”

“I don’t have emotions”

“What nonsense are you talking about!?” You always responded to his responses rather energetically but you seemed especially intense this time, “Everyone has emotions, even a a person like you! Otherwise why do anything? Why you would you think something like that?”

Lewin’s eyes opened wider in mild shock. No one had ever told him such a thing. All his life, he had been told he was different, abnormal, strange. People looked at him like he was less than human, like he was a demon. He assumed that because he didn’t feel like other humans that he was born without that capability. This was the first time he was told that despite missing something that most deemed essential for humanity, he was still human.

He, surprisingly, didn’t have carefully prepared words to respond with. You had caught him off guard. Something he was realizing you did more often than not.

“It’s because I’m weird. I’m strange can’t you tell?”, he leaned in close to you, grabbing your wrists, his tone of voice tinted with madness and subtle desperation as he said, “There’s something not right with me, you can feel it can’t you? They all say so! Maybe I am demon in disguise”.

He wanted to see it, the uncomfortable look on your face, a veiled look of disgust, your squirming attempt to get away from him.

You were shocked and stunned by his outburst, not used to him losing his composure in such a way. But the shock didn’t last long.

“You aren’t a demon, just an asshole.” And then you proceeded to rip your left wrist from his hand and punch him in the stomach. “Don’t touch me without permission!”

You really did defy his expectations. 

“Stop smiling Lewin! Fucking masochist!”

He was kind of starting to be concerned as to where you were learning such language.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the course of his visit to your family’s estate you became even more of a curiosity to him. You were a personification of everything he was not. You felt compassion and empathy but you were strange. Your existence was more like a ghost, existing in but not truly living in society. You put on façade just like him, performing just as your everyone wanted you too, but there was no care behind it. As soon as their attention turned away, you were gone disappearing into your room, the garden, or woods, and anyplace you could be alone. You lived in a world of your own, perfectly happy and content.

You didn’t even seem to care about your own family. When a parent calls their child worthless and defective, the child should logically feel rejected, but you would simply walk away as if they hadn’t said anything at all and later you would be smiling and talking to yourself as if nothing was wrong with the situation.

Over the course of the next eighteen years, he became more enthralled. He always took time to pester and bother you whenever both of your paths would cross; and he made sure they crossed quite often.

Despite his incessant pestering, you never told him your secret, the one that that he had first gleamed at the Vortune Manor as you quietly talked to yourself, a secret that he knew you were hiding from the world and most importantly from him.

The initial thing that caught his interest became an annoyance. You were always in your head, ignoring everyone around you. You were still polite and sociable but it never went beyond that. You never relied on anyone, you never needed anyone, and you never wanted anyone.

Lewin’s desire for knowledge was a simple matter of curiosity that was transitioning rapidly into an obsession, not just with the information you withheld but with your entire existence. He became more and more frustrated because no matter how much he involved himself in your life, you walked away like it was nothing. You had garnered his attention but he could never get yours.

When he first saw you after your family disowned you, you were the same as always. Why had he expected any different? Perhaps it was cruel but he wanted to see you break, to long for someone, he wanted to take away whatever it was that made you so content with the awful world.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Lewin! Where have you been? We have work to do you know.” Arthur chided. It was a rather hypocritical statement for someone who also neglected work as well.

Lewin brushed it off and answered in a rather carefree tone, “Simply looking around”.

Arthur gave a discontented smile but knew not to press as Lewin had a certain look in his eye. He could guess well enough that he had gone to watch Alana. Arthur couldn’t figure out why the failure of the Vortune family caught Lewin’s interest. He did feel sorry for her though. Arthur knew first-hand what kind of man Lewin Light was. In the metaphorical sense, Lewin was a demon in human skin, dangerous, deadly, and lacking in basic humanity. She should have run far away the moment she entered Lewin’s sight, to place where Lewin wouldn’t be able to find her. But that’s not a possibility anymore.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. It was one of Arthur’s least favorite phrase as it referenced Satan and Arthur’s hatred went as far as to apply to even the name. Still, it applied quite well to the situation as they turned a corner and found you sleeping in the hallway. All the students and teachers walked around you ignoring your unconscious body as it had already become rather common place to find you passed out in weird places.

“My, my, falling asleep in such a place, rather dangerous no?”

Arthur irritably glanced at Lewin. _You’re the only dangerous one here._ Lighting insisted on taking you back to your room as it was “not safe for a young lady to be lying about”. Really not wanting to deal with the situation, Arthur agreed and sent Lewin off with a wave.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lewin laid on your bed next to you watching your sleeping form. He carefully watched as your eyes danced back and forth under your eye lids. He waited patiently as your eyes slowly opened revealing lively green.

Your shock at his face being so close yours upon waking was clear as you screamed, flailed and fell off the bed, your quilt entangling itself around your body.

He never got tired of your reactions although he was a bit disappointed. This is not the first time he’s done this and it won’t be the last. His goal was to train you to always expect him to be there, to always have him be the first thing you think about when waking up. Its rather twisted but then he is a rather twisted person.

“Lewin Light! You son of a fucking bitch! How many times have I told you not to fucking do that?”

Many times. Lewin let out a smirk, playing naïve to your obvious anger, “I was tired after carrying you back to your room. You are rather heavy you know and your bed is always the comfiest.” You loved soft things and would stockpile blankets and pillows onto your bed to create a comfy nest. He liked the softness as well and because it was your bed.

You glared up at the man who was currently lounging on your bed without a care in the world and screamed, “Shut up! You creepy bastard, why are you—ouch!”

_"ouch my head… ah I haven’t passed out like that in a while. I thought we could make it back in time.”_

**“It’s because you haven’t been sleeping properly, you need to take better care of yourself.”**

**“** _aww look at you being all caring and stuff. I didn’t know you had it in you.”_

**“Don’t Patronize me woman! Besides, it’s just because if something happens your body I won’t be able to experience the human world anymore!”**

_“Tsundere”_

**“I will burn you”**

“Having a nice conversation?”

You looked up shocked, “wh-what no, no of course not! Just uh … lost in though.”

Lewin gave a noncommittal hum and a look that said he didn’t believe you at all. He had that look in his eye again. Lewin was a difficult man to read as he was surprisingly quite the actor. His half hazard appearance and lazy smirk gave off the feeling of a lazy careless man. People would lower their guard in genuine disbelief that this man was a genius exorcist. It was always shocking for people that didn’t know him, when Lewin would reveal his true colors. After knowing the man for so long, you had figured out that his true character, even when he was acting, was always reflected in his eyes. Eyes he kept hidden behind a hat and hair. Eyes that were both beautiful and disturbing.

“Lewin get off—oh my god why do you smell so bad? Honestly, why don’t you take better care of yourself?”

He rolled over getting more comfortable on you bed, curling up with another one of your blankets.

You stomped your foot against the floor and tackled him trying to wrestle the blanket away but stopped as soon as you noticed the dirt being spread around your bed. You gave him a look of pure disgust, “uh gross gross, now I’m going to have to wash my sheets again. Dammit Lewin, I know you don’t care about standards of cleanliness but for everyone’s sake you still need to shower.”

He muttered a “too much effort” into your pillow.

You gave a reluctant sigh, “honestly”.

He smirked. _Bingo._

You went rummaging through your dresser and pulled out a large t-shirt and a pair of shorts that belonged to Lewin. He had a bad habit of bringing his messy habits into your room and would always leave his clothes lying about.

You insisted to everyone that asked, that you and Lewin are not friends. Everyone you spoke to was pretty sure you are in denial.

You looked at him all cozy in your bed. Honestly, did he think this was his home or something, acting so damn comfortable? He was like a damn free loader who refused to pay rent and wouldn’t move out. A blood sucking leech that couldn’t be removed from your skin.

You threw the clothes at his face.

“Put those on idiot”

He rolled over and looked at you like he was genuinely confused.

Your eye began to twitch. The bastard. Where did he get off looking so clueless? If there was one thing that you knew about Lewin, it was that he is an extremely calculative man and every action is deliberate. Confusion does not suit his face at all.

“Eh, do I really need these?”

Even his voice was grating. You closed your eyes and thought about possibly hitting him in the head with you lamp. You breathed in deep to calm yourself and opened your eyes and stated calmly, “Yes you do, I do not want to see you naked.”

He let out an innocent smile. “But I’ve been told I have a _really_ nice-looking body.”

You chucked your lamp at him. “Who the fuck would ever tell you that?!”

It was so fun to mess with you.

Once again Lewin had gotten his way. Truly, you had thought by now that you would be better at navigating Lewin’s deception and intentions. But as soon as you would learn his tricks, he would immediately change them. He was always ahead and no matter what you did you were always left trailing behind him. You held out hope—hopeless hope—that one day you would have the upper hand and force him to be the one to try and determine your intentions.

Unknowingly though, you had the one card Lewin wanted right in your hand.

But until you figure that out, if you ever do figure it out, you will always continuously fall right into Lewin’s traps.

Which is how you found yourself once again giving Lewin fucking Light a bath.

Your brow was furrowed as a light blush dusted your cheeks. You refused to admit it, but Lewin did in fact have a rather attractive body and wet clothing did not deter this fact as much as you would have liked it to. The wet clothes clung to the plains of his body, accentuating his muscles and—nope stopping there. Your eyes snapped up from wandering down his body. Nope! Nope! You were not going to think about that. You took your current thoughts, put them under lock and key, poured concrete over them and sunk them to the depths of your subconscious.

_“Honestly, why do I do this?”_

**_“For the cake.”_ **

You let a reluctant sigh. _“It’s really too easy to bribe me.”_

**“I like this _significantly_ less than you.”**

_“What exactly are you implying!?”_

**_“Don’t play dumb. You have feelings for that—that thing! and don’t even try to deny it.”_ **

**** **_"Fine. Ignore me.”_ **

A couple of years ago there had been a period of time where Lewin’s uncleanliness reached a whole new level of disgusting and since he had only been working on short missions he spent a lot of time researching in Middle East True Cross Order branch. Which happened to be where you were stationed at the time. He took every opportunity to bother you and even you—a lover of off roading in the mud and hiking through mountains for days—with a generally high tolerance for things that are gross, had a limit. Your patience broke and when Lewin was asleep you tied him up so he couldn’t escape and through him in a bathtub and scrubbed him clean. Over the time you had known Lewin, you had occasionally thought of murdering him. That time was the closest you came as you held his head under water for longer than what was considered appropriate.

Arthur of course found out and as he was tired of a dirty Lewin and didn’t want to deal with the problem himself, he bribed you. As long as you gave Lewin a bath when you saw him, Arthur would give you special access to high end sweet shops and limited-edition candies which you couldn’t afford on your exwire salary.

Both Arthur and you were unaware that Lewin had planned the whole incident. He saw you bathing a dog once and thought it looked nice so he decided to see if he could get you to bathe him. You would never have agreed if he had asked so he had to use an around about method to get you to think of the idea yourself.

No matter how many times it happened you would never get used to bathing him. Lewin had always put you one edge, making you hyper aware of him and his actions and being this close in such an intimate situation made your awareness of him ten times worse. It took a great amount of mental fortitude to focus on your task

Unknown to you, Lewin knew _exactly_ what he was doing. You have always had a sense about him, about what kind of person he truly was. The kind of person with thoughts and actions that society shuns. The kind of person with smile that never seems to fit quite right. He always put you on edge and despite his successful effort to worm his way into your life whenever he has the chance, he could never get you to let down that final barrier.

That final barrier is his bane. He knows you, inside and out, to an extent that would make you extremely uncomfortable. He had taken his time prying and peeling you open, until each and every layer of your soul had been revealed to him. But try as he might, he could never move past the final layer. No, that layer, the core of your soul, was saved for the beast inside your mind.

It ticked him off to no end.

You were blissfully unaware of Lewin’s frustration. Having you trust him and willingly open your mind to him was the easiest way to obtain the info he wanted but after years spent trying to accumulate your trust, he was no step closer. You were fleeting, like smoke in the air, close enough to see and smell, but has soon as he reached out his hand, you blew away.

It made him grind his teeth, he was so close.

He could move away from emotional manipulation and resort to violent tactics. He had done it before, many, many, many, times.

He _earned_ his nickname “The Torturer”. It would be so simple to justify his actions to the Order and they would no doubt follow his word. After all his interrogations always turned up valuable information for the order and as for Arthur, dear Arthur, well he already knew that Lewin’s behavior towards you was personally biased and even so but Arthur would never intervene in Lewin’s business as long as it didn’t directly involve him, no matter what horrible things Lewin did.

But Lewin couldn’t bring himself to cross that all to familiar and vague line. He couldn’t burn the bridge that he had so carefully constructed to that cross the gap separating you from him.

In recent years, he has taken a new approach, acting upon a new source of discomfort directed towards you. A more _physical_ discomfort. He took great pleasure in watching your small reactions; the way you sneakily rubbed your thighs in an attempt to ease an internal ache, the way your face turned a deeper shade of red, and how you bashfully avoided his eyes before screaming at him in an attempt to cover up your physical response to him.

You were more vulnerable than you realized. More vulnerable than you let the world know and he wants to exploit every single weakness you have. Use it as leverage, pry you open, until he can see everything inside and you have nothing left to hide

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lewin and you have trapped yourselves in an infinite loop of your own makings. Two existences seemingly doomed to forever orbit around each other. You were well aware of it and what actions you could take to break the cycle, but you couldn’t bring yourself to break it and at True Cross Academy the cycle had begun once again.

It always began with initial reunion between you and Lewin, then the both of you fell into a rhythm of you hiding from him, him finding you, and you then reluctantly allowing his presence. The longest amount of time he had ever managed to get you to stay around was at the Middle East Branch. He had tried his damnedest to make sure that you wouldn’t disappear. But just like always, he got too close and you got too comfortable. You waited until he was occupied by a meeting with the leaders of the Middle East Branch before disappearing.

**_“Are you sure about this?”_ **

_"Of course, why wouldn’t I be. We’ve spent enough time here already.”_

Your whole life you had pushed people away, keeping human connection and relationships at bay. It was easier that way. Humans are cruel and hateful. They claim to love you but as soon as they get what they want or you’ve lost your usefulness, the warmth vanishes from their eyes turning to disdain; the smiles always remain of course because appearances must be kept and no one but one’s own self can be allowed to know how their soul rots and festers.

Memories from your childhood bubble to the surface of your mind, digging their claws in, trying to draw forth the emotions you swore away.

_Let’s go._

You had a promise to keep and no matter what happens, no one is going to take it away from you.

But what Lewin didn’t know and what you refused to admit was that each time you fled—your heart grew wearier and wearier. The roots of connection had sprouted in your heart and with each passing year they proliferated through your veins, pulling you down, try to tie you to the ground; tie you to him.

The beast inside your head knew it too. You couldn’t keep running forever. It knew you would keep on running and running until there was nothing left of the woman it had once known all in an attempt to keep a promise made long ago when you were barely eight years old. It had originally intended for you to fulfill the promise until your dying breath but just like you, the beast’s heart that was once filled with hatred and loneliness, had fondness and love blooming inside.

Arthur knows he is most likely the closest relationship—that isn’t decade’s worth of one-side obsession— that Lewin has. This means that by consequence he is also the person closest to you

Arthur doesn’t particularly like you but he doesn’t hate you—except in moments like these. His body is rigid and tense, the silence of the room choking him but he doesn’t dare open his mouth. It’s not his business and he doesn’t want to get involved but somehow he’s the one that always ends up dealing with the aftermath of your existence. You had left again. Slipping away like sand through Lewin’s fingers. As hard as Lewin tries, he can never seem to catch you.

Lewin is visibly pissed off, staring into the distance out the window of their temporary shared office. He almost looked as though he was simply daydreaming but his thumb was pressed in between his teeth and Arthur was sure Lewin would worry it until the appendage began to bleed. If Arthur wasn’t the assigned partner of the man then he would have avoided Lewin just like everyone else was. His anger was cloying and contaminated everything around him. It was always extremely unpleasant to be around and it would be another few days before it dissipated when Lewin would discover your new location. Although it would be awhile before he would be able to see you again, he’s an arch knight and he still has a duty to do. But _he_ would see you again. It was obsession in its purest form and Arthur truly couldn’t understand it. The one benefit is that Lewin would be highly motivated to search and discover high level demons and demon nests for Arthur to destroy. All of which would provide a roundabout trail to your new location.

It was exceedingly naive of you to believe that Arthur and Lewin were just always coincidentally stationed where you were currently stationed. For someone so guarded and cautious, you could be absolutely oblivious. But perhaps ignorance was for the best because if you knew how and why Lewin continuously appeared in your life, you might try harder to run away, which would just create more problems for Arthur.

Everything about Lewin is the perfect disguise. People always underestimate him, cast him the role of their own first impressions. They chalk up the chills running down their spines, the goose bumps dancing down their skin, the revulsion that sits in their gut heavy as a stone, to his lack of hygiene and lackadaisical attitude. Their instincts run rampant through their minds, as his aura curls around them, a knife tracing gently around their necks, and like a frightened animal screaming Danger! Danger!—they take a single step back— RUN, RUN— but just like always they ignore their self-preservation because of their duties and societal convention. Lewin loves loves those forced smiles as they greet him, after all he’s a knight of the True Cross order, what could go wrong?

Willfully naïve, denial subdues people’s minds and it makes it all the easier for Lewin to extract the information he desires and manipulate them how he sees fit. Just a little poke and prod, lower their defenses, and then his hands are inside moving around and prying apart their skull and just like always it’s the same thing. No matter if they sit on a throne of power or crawl through the sludge of the streets, they all _break_. A horrified monster falls from their tongues every time as if it justifies something, that it shows that they’re different from him. Maybe it’s just a last plea, a way to open his eyes, after all no human could be a devil?

There’s never any repercussion as long as he stays within a certain boundary. But stepping over it once or twice is forgivable, at least to the Vatican’s Council. They’re more than happy to cover up his misdeeds. He’s made himself too valuable and as long they are able to use him, they don’t really care.

_\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Mephisto gave Lewin a disdainful grin, “You’ll find all of the information you need there”.

Despite his polite and dismissive way of speaking, Lewin was all too aware that Mephisto was compromising. Lewin had forced his hand but not enough to disrupt Mephisto’s unknown but carefully laid plans. The info he was being offered was only what Mephisto would allow him to see.

“Thank you very much”

Mephisto turned his nose up and let out an audible huff. A ‘thank you’ from Lewin was just condescending.

Ryuji followed behind Lewin as they left Mephisto’s private quarters but just as Lewin’s hand reached the door handle, Mephisto offered one last piece of advice.

“I would greatly appreciate if you avoid bothering Alana with your vulgar actions during your continued stay at my school. She is quite a valuable _asset_ and I am rather fond of our _relationship.”_

Unlike Lewin, Ryuji had bothered to glance back when Mephisto began speaking and when he looked upon his face, a terrifying chill ran down his spine. The grin stretched almost inhumanly across Mephisto’s face was downright pure maliciousness.

Ryuji at that moment was very eager to leave the room and turned back to his master, whose hand was still placed on the door handle. Lewin’s signature smirk was still resting on his face but his knuckles were white has his hand squeezed the door handle.

Ryuji was astonished. _He’s angry._

It was not an emotion that Ryuji had ever seen Lewin express. Even when the suspects that Lewin interrogated initially refused to reveal or denied knowing the information Lewin required, his master never became angry. Anger would normally be considered an inherent emotion to accompany torture but not with Lewin.

Ryuji knew his master was not someone who could be considered a good person. It became very apparent when he became aware that Lewin to an unknown extent enjoyed torturing others. Bon came to realize it was not the explicit pain that Lewin enjoyed but the game. It was the game, at its simplest form, a cross between the cardgame BS, the boardgame Clue, and Chess. Lewin planned ahead for all eventualities, making sure to be ten steps ahead of his opponents. Despite appearances, Lewin was never caught off guard.

As someone not entirely bound by human morality, when it came to Lewin’s interrogation techniques nothing was off the table. But despite being labelled The Torturer and being quite a adept at _certain_ techniques, Lewin did not immediately turn to violence. As a lover of humanity, he knew all of the intricacies of the human mind and a battle of wits was always much more fun, that fists. He delighted in subterfuge of the tongue, both parties speaking with lies falling from their lips, maneuvering words just so to prying and probe, the dance of words ending ultimately in Lewin watching the subject crumble.

The quivering and wash of terror that would befall his victims was less caused by Lewin’s threats and more so by the enjoyable smile on his face, as if they were just old friends out to lunch. At the angle the victims were placed—usually on a floor or tied to a chair— with Lewin standing over their bodies, they got a clear look at Lewin’s blue eyes. The eyes are the window to the soul and Lewin’s were no different and to his victims Lewin’s eyes always reflect a well-manicured and incomprehensible insanity. The eyes of murderous mental patients would have been more preferable than Lewin Light’s.

Lewin’s moral code was loose at best, the only constant being that he could not stand liars and impostors; people who pretend to be something they were not. He held extreme disdain for people with those kind or personalities but even so they could rarely invoke Lewin’s anger.

Very few people could provoke the ire of Lewin and it seems Mephisto knew exactly how to do so.

As they left Mephisto’s office and began walking down the hallway Lewin began worrying his thumb. Numerous scars covered the finger’s skin and the nail was worn down to the bed. Lewin walked with purposeful steps, knowing exactly where to go to utilize Mephisto’s information. But despite his excitement, Mephisto’s parting words were eating away at his mind. The implications were clear. Mephisto knew all the intimate parts of your mind that you guarded so closely. Mephisto knew the secret that you held so dear to your heart, one that even after all these years, you refused to reveal to Lewin.

If the day came that Mephisto betrayed the True Cross Order, Lewin would take it upon himself to purposefully tear the demon’s body to shreds and he would take great _pleasure_ in doing so.

But Mephisto’s words hadn’t just earned the Arc Knits ire, no the demon’s word had awoken, a burning ache that was bubbling to the surface. It felt uncontrollable and Lewin wasn’t used to having emotions running rampant through his mind. It was dampening his excitement. He had theories and names for who the traitor might be and no doubt interrogating them would be _fun_. He should be buzzing with excitement but instead all he felt was rage. Rage directed towards you. A volcano composed of years of built up frustration was approaching its day of eruption.

Ryuji stared at his master with a worried look on his face. Something was wrong with Lewin, something more wrong than the weird wrongness that seemed to permeate Lewin’s existence.

After all these years, the perfect storm had come to fruition and soon it would decimate everything Lewin had so carefully cultivated.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bon thought that it was truly unfortunate timing that they ran into you on the way back to Lewin’s study. Had they met you an hour later, things might have ended differently. You were passing through a circular outdoor courtyard that overlooked the city, carrying multiple demon botany books that needed to be delivered to one of the professors. It was pure coincidence and the moment Bon saw you, he knew shit was about to go down. He reached out to Lewin, “Hey I think we should lea—

"Ah Alana! How’s it going!?” Lewin called out while pointing finger guns at you, his voice oddly high pitched and happy. It was forced and very much a sarcastic and condescending tone.

You looked at him in confusion. Lewin hadn’t addressed you with that kind of tone in years. Lewin approached you steadily but you found your gaze drawn to Bon standing behind Lewin. He looked panicked and unsure.

_What’s going on—_

The breath was torn from your lungs as Lewin pinned you to the wall, using his body to keep you from moving as he forced his forearm between your chin and collar bones pressing down with extreme pressure on your wind pipe. Your eye caught a glimpse of the botany books that lay scattered on the ground, their spines and pages in unforgiving positions, as you struggled to take in a breath and understand the situation.

Then you your eyes met Lewin’s and you stopped struggling, temporarily frozen in place. Lewin’s hat and hair did nothing to disguise the madness, rage, and obsession burning in his eyes. For the first time since meeting him, you were well and truly scared of him.

“Well it’s a good thing running into you hear!” The forced happiness of voice was bordering on sing-songy and it was disturbing. “Looks like we can get started right away. So Alana—”

“What the fuck are you doing!?” Your shock instantly dissipated the moment Lewin addressed you but burning anger replaced it. The intensity of anger you tried to convey was unfortunately diluted due to your raspy tone of voice and lack of proper air flow.

For a brief moment the memory of the first time he met you flashed through his mind but he pushed it away.

“What am I doing? What are you doing? You’ve been an exquire for how many years, hmm almost fifteen, right?” he asked, not even giving you time to answer he continued, “it’s more than a little strange that you’ve never bothered to move up the latter. I mean there are worst exorcists than you who have managed to accomplish _something_ with their lives. Ah~ but it has allowed you to work in quite a few different branches of the order, perfect for a _traitor_ , Don’tcha think?”

Lewin is a naturally eccentric conversationalist but his despite his upbeat tone it was very clear that Lewin wasn’t trying to have a conversation. He was _interrogating_ you.

_Why?_

A chill crept over your body and it felt as if some invisible force was squeezing your heart. Your heart beat faster.

_What is this feeling?_

A lopsided twisted smile appeared on his face, “And then there’s that little secret you’ve been keeping, hmm? You have something to do with a demon, possessed perhaps? After all these years of people looking down on you, of your own exorcist family treating you like nothing, like something _pathetic_ , your heart became weak and desperate and lacking power it’d only be natural that you’d want a little revenge no matter the cost. I must say~ you’ve done a great job at pretending, but you’re nothing but a liar, aren’t’cha”

_Ah it hurts_

_Why does it hurt!?_

_Why!?_

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Your fathers unforgiving eyes were boring into yours, disappointment written across his face. You had once again failed at summoning. “Are you really my daughter! Your sister was able to summon by the time she was seven! Why can’t you do it!? If you would focus instead of gallivanting around town and shaming this family, maybe you would have accomplished something by now!”

Your eyes remained blank, staring listlessly back at him. He truly believed there was something wrong with you. He never said it out loud and he sometimes felt guilty thinking about it, After all, you were still his child but with that kind of look on your face, he really couldn’t help but hate you. You disturbed him. “Go to your room and study . . . don’t come down for dinner, we’re having guests over.”

“Yes father”

Once you walked out of sight from your father a bright smile broke out on your face.

_"_ _Finally, its over! Let’s go play, I have some cool drawings I want to do”_

_"_ **_Aren’t you upset?”_ **

**** _“Nope, why would I be?”_

**_“Your father just yelled at you for being absolutely inept. I can read human’s emotions and I can honestly tell you that he despises you. It must hurt right being isolated like this. Being such a shame that your family hides you away from guest. It’s like they don’t even view you as family. You must be angry. I can help you with that you know. All you need to is grab a knife and we can make sure they never hurt you again.”_ **

**** _“I’m not angry. You really need to stop trying to convince me to kill people. That’s what bad people to do.” You admonished with a hand on your hip wagging your finger. The maid walking by looked very uncomfortable and she hurried past._

**_“Then you’re a bad person because I’m your subconscious remember? I am you.”_ **

_“No you’re not.”_

**_“YES I am”_** _._ The voice insisted _._

_“Hmm nope!”_

_"_ **_YES”_ **

_“No”_

**_“Fucking damn then what am I you piss ant brat?”_** The voice capitulated.

_"_ _You’re another person inside my head.”_

**_“What?_** ” The voice was very confused. Had been confused for a while really. It just wanted you to kill someone, why was that goal so hard to accomplish?

“ _Well you see, while you were sleeping_ ,” sleeping being the word that was settled upon after much debate about how to describe the periods of time when the voice wasn’t active in your mind, “ _I was reading this book called p-sscologee_ —”

**_“Psychology”_ **

_“Yes that word and there was this section about brain conditions and one of them was called Chizofpenic—”_

_"_ ** _schizophrenic. You think your schizophrenic?”_** The voice inquired, amusement in its tone.

With all the confidence of someone who really shouldn’t be confident you began your explanation _. “Yes, you’re a disembodied voice inside my head, right? That’s the word you used. So the way I see it, you don’t actually exist but my mind makes you up. So, I think there’s divide between the conscious, which is me, and the unconscious which is you. So instead of you being unconscious and me being unaware of you, you’ve developed your own personality from mine and become conscious. So, there’s two unconscious’s inside this head.”_

_“ **You got it all figured out, don’t you?”**_

_“Yep!”_ Your proud expression was glowing _._

Switching back to the original topic the voice asked, “ ** _So you really don’t care? You suuure you don’t want to stab anyone? Not even a little?”_**

_“Nope, I stopped caring a while ago. I have you and I don’t need anyone else. As long as you’re with me I won’t be alone.”_

_“ **Call me Mori.**_ **”**

You tilted your head in confusion. “Why?”

**“Because it’s weird if you keep calling me “The voice” all the time.”**

**\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

“Hey isn’t that your sister?”

You glanced over at the group of middle school students walking by your lunch spot—a nice shady spot under an old oak tree in the school’s courtyard. You liked to eat alone away from the loud chatter of the cafeteria. Some days you wished you could burn the whole place to the ground. You loved learning and took all of the advance classes excelling in each and every subject, but everyone was too loud. A nice quiet room or a nice isolated meadow was a more preferred learning environment.

“That’s not my sister”

It wasn’t a strange statement to hear. Since the moment you transitioned from home schooling to the academy of science and arts for girls when you came of elementary school age at the insistence of your parents—who claimed that having a well-rounded education not solely focused around exorcism was key for success in life school— your older sister denied your existence. Most of the time her friends wouldn’t push past the denial but it seemed today this group of friends wanted antagonize you and they wanted your sister to take part.

There was nothing kind in their words or faces as they belittled your sister. “Why are you lying? I’ve seen the records. You are related to that freak, are you a freak like her? Hmm, girls, I don’t know if comfortable hanging with this thing. Shall we leave?”

Your sister was never very good at resisting peer pressure and defending herself from bullying. Not that she was a victim of it often but for all her strength and intelligence when people asked her to jump she, without fail, would ask how high. It was no surprise she turned red, anger and embarrassment blooming across her face. She resembled a tea pot about to boil and boil she did.

“I told you that she is not my sister!” Your sister, April screamed. “the only thing we have in common is our blood but I highly doubt she’s truly my parent’s child. She’s- She’s just some m-mistake!”

You knew that she didn’t really hate you which was surprising. Her heart was kinder than the rest of your family but she did not love you. Perhaps in another timeline, had she been stronger, she would have been brave enough to stand by her little sisters side the first time their parents screamed at her. But she was weak and in the end all she ever did was stand to the side, listening but never speaking and absolutely refusing to meet your eyes. She felt guilty. But that guilt meant nothing because in the end April Vortune was a coward. Her desperate need to please and be liked by those around her prevented April from ever developing a meaningful relationship with her sister and as time went on the guilt was buried deeper and deeper into the recesses of her mind. She internalized the behavior of everyone around her and soaked up the animosity like a sponge.

“Then prove it.” The two girls who stood with April said, looking far to smug over something so trivial; looking confident as if they had actually accomplished something.

With a turn of her heel, April walked towards you, anger driving her forwards. You could hear everything and even as she approached you never looked up from your lunch. Finally, she stopped in front of you, her fists curled at her sides and only then did you glance up staring her directly in the eyes. Your empty eyes staring back unnerved April and she visibly winced. For a moment the thought that perhaps this was the wrong thing to do crossed her mind. It didn’t matter though, she still grabbed your lunch out of your hands, throwing it onto the ground, and stomping it into the decaying leaves and soil. Then she grabbed your backpack shaking out its contents quickly grabbing the fluttering papers containing your homework tearing them to shreds and for good measure, she kicked you in the shin.

You never reacted to any of it, just continued staring and at the end of her tirade you reached and grabbed a piece of your soiled sandwich and ate it while looking April directly in the eye. She winced, no doubt fully disgusted and slightly horrified. Her fists unclenched and she just turned around and went back to her friends.

They all left giggling and laughing, they showed you alright—that you are worthless.

You grinned and then broke out into laughter

“ _Oh my god did you see that! Her face_?

**“ _Yah I think that was the best reaction yet but did you really have to eat the sandwich? I can still taste the soil . . ._ ”**

“ _It was necessary for added effect_.”

**“ _Shall we stab them_?”**

**“** _Nooooo_!” You whined petulantly. “ _You really need to stop asking me that— I don’t want to stab anyone_!”

“ ** _You’re no fun_**.” Mori replied sulkily.

“ _Well my homework has been ruined so how about we skip school_?”

“ ** _The new gelato place_**?”

“ _You know it.”_

_\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

The first time your father hit you was also the first time since you were a child that you felt anything other than indifference toward him. _Hatred._ It burned as strongly in your heart as the burning sting on your cheek. Maybe it was always there, simmering just beneath the surface, now brought forth to a roiling bubble. It hurt, it hurt a fucking lot, and the spittle flying from his enraged screaming was vile. You were sure he hated you too. An absolute failure unable to summon or even do basic exorcism, mantras, or castings. A disobedient child that ran rampant through the town shaming the Vortune name. A strange and wrong child, a daughter he wished he never had.

Your eyes were cast down to the floor, hair framing your face, the moment of impact replaying over and over in your head making the rage build and build and then your eyes began burning but not from tears. No, it was a different sensation. It felt as if your iris and pupil were moving and wriggling across the white of your eye. You could see a reflection of yourself on the perfectly polished floor, not even speck of dust dared to tarnish the meticulously maintained white and black marble. Reflected back at you were the eyes of a monster. A deep ruby and purple swirled together across the whole eye, the white flesh completely gone, and in the center a long black slit pupil. It looked wrong on your face. Inhuman without a doubt but god, it felt fucking right. It felt perfect as if now you were finally complete.

You blinked once and the eyes were gone, your usual green eyes reflected back. Your father reached his hands towards your shoulder with the intention of violently shaking you for not listening to his incessant screaming— you grabbed both of his wrists and squeezed, _hard_. And damn the surprised look on his face and slight whimper of pain was satisfying. You increased the strength of your grip digging your nails sharply into his wrists, drawing blood. He tried to back away, he was fit adult man but could escape his teenage daughters strength, and the longer you held on the more terrified his face grew. He tripped and his ass landed on the beautiful marble floor. You looked down on him, the position mirroring how you truly viewed him. He was beneath you. They were all beneath you. Pathetic little worms, rotting in their own lies and greed wearing well placed masks of morality. It would be so easy to snuff them out . . . were these thoughts really you own?

“Never lay a hand on me ever again.” You walked away heading up to your room and your father didn’t dare try and follow.

You sat on your bed curled up in a ball, your arms around your body and your head tucked into your knees, trying to process everything just happened.

Mori spoke. ‘ **What a fucking prick! Shall we kill him**?’

You didn’t respond.

‘ **Hey, shall we open those matcha cookies we’ve been saving**?’. Mori didn’t like this, not at all. You had never refused to respond to its voice.

‘ _. . . **are you okay**_?’

“ _I’m fine_.”

And here the voice thought you were wallowing in despair but he should have known better. You never failed to surprise him. You had tried to hide it from him, it was a descent place to bury your emotions, he had to admit, but after all these years of sharing your mind there truly was no place left for you to hide. You were silent not from sadness but from overwhelming rage. It could see the images of fantasy passing through your head—images of wild flame and smoldering structures, screams of terror and pain.

All these years you never minded the cruel words, you were practically immune to any mind games a person would try to play. Bullying, hatred, betrayal, tricks, without some sort of emotional bond, those kinds of things mean nothing. Any bond you shared with your family had withered away when you were seven years old. When Mori first started speaking to you. As it turned out, your immunity to words didn’t transfer over to physical pain. In fact you really, really, despised physical pain.

A memory passed through Mori’s own mind. ‘ _I don’t need anyone else. All I need is you by my side._ You had said that when you were just a mere seven-year-old child. You had decided then and there to erase and forsake relationships with anything other it. Despite believing yourself to have a mental disorder and fully understanding that Mori was not truly real, you had still chosen it above everything else in your life. At the time Mori put no stock in what a child had to say. Children are as fickel as the wind and the stock market. They change rapidly and aren’t dependable. But after all these years, Mori was in absolute awe of your conviction. You really weren’t a normal child. It really only could’ve been you that was capable of summoning a being such as itself. And it was only you that could cause fondness to grow in a heart that despised humanity.

‘ ** _My dear, I have something I must confess_.’**

‘ _It was all in my head, right_?”

‘ ** _No_** ,” The voice sighed in exasperation. The annoying brat. That joke as well as the numerous puns had grown old years ago. ‘ ** _I know the reason that you cannot summon_**.’

You perked up immediately, the anger and fire dissipating from your mind. ‘ _What do you mean? What—”_

 **“ _Oi shut up and listen dumbass_.’ **You had the ability to speak at the speed of a bullet and fire off questions faster than it could answer. ‘ ** _I need you to listen until I’m done speaking. No words or sounds can leave your mouth or I won’t tell you a damn thing_.” **You nodded frantically in response. “ ** _The reason you cannot summon a demon is because you already have one summoned. In fact, you summoned one on your very first try. You summoned me. My name is Moeru Hi and thus Mori as you call me.”_**

Disbelief and excited nervous energy vibrated through your body. You were trying really hard not to scream, your cheeks puffing out frustration.

The voice continued. “ ** _Imagine my surprise and rage when for the first time in a millennium, I was summoned by a small dumb human child. I wanted to kill you but I couldn’t. You hadn’t been able to summon my physical form to the plane of Assiah, just my mind and a portion of my demonic power. Which was frustrating to say the least. I really wanted to slaughter all the disgusting rats standing in that room, including you. I could have tried to possess you but so little of my demonic power came through, fighting would have just ended with me being exorcised and that shit hurts like a bitch. Not to mention once back in Gehenna you get the world’s worst hangover for a couple of years. So, I decided to keep quiet because all you had to do was rip up that stupid piece of paper—except your dumbass took it up into your room and put it in a memory box! Who the fuck does that?!”_**

You really wanted to laugh. Only a child would think to keep something like that. A piece of paper that marked a summoning failure. But you were happy that you tried and you had worked so hard on drawing the correct markings. You weren’t about to rip and ruin your beautiful drawing.

The voice continued frustration and annoyance at your childhood self saturating its voice. **“ _So I decided the next best thing was to make you go insane. But you, ah, fucking hell, you were the most annoying child! I literally tried to convince you to do violent and disgusting things to other people but you, the strangest and now I realized fucked up child, completely ignored it and then decided to befriend the voice she was hearing in her head. There was nothing I could do. You just accepted the fact that you were mentally ill and moved on with life. So I was stuck because fuck if I was going to tell you I was a demon. I wanted nothing to do with you or your summoner family. But then I realized that when our powers aligned, I could feel and taste and smell the things you did. I could physically experience the world of Assiah. So, I decided to stay. I hate humans but after all these years, ah well, I kind of don’t hate you, okay_?”**

Mori had finished his speech. The truth was finally out and it was expecting loud screaming and yelling since he had in a way destroyed your life as the direct cause of your failings. You would have led a very different life had you not summoned itself to the plain of Assiah. You would have no doubt been the star of your family. You would have probably been the strongest tamer of the era. But no cries or screams left your mouth. Instead . . .

“ _If you could, would you leave me?”_

The paper sat in an ornate box on your desk along with various photos and trinkets. A now clear reminder that while you had claimed Mori, Mori had not claimed you and could vanish completely from your life forever. There was no guarantee that you would be able to summon Mori again.

“ ** _Never_.”**

“Ah that’s good.” You were immensely relieved. “Mori, you said we can sync our energies right?”

**“Yes”**

“Do you have healing abilities?”

“ **Yes**?” Mori inquired wondering where you were going with the thought.

“That will make things easier.” You got up and walked toward your closet and opened it up and began rummaging around inside. You pulled out a plane white box and pulled out a knife with a decorated gold and jewel handle. A gift you had received from Lewin on your tenth birthday. He stole it from a family he was performing an exorcism for.

Mori immediately understood what you were going to due.

“Make sure I don’t die, okay Mori?”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What am is supposed to do with you? Huh! Tell me because I really don’t know anymore!”

Your father was enraged. This was the first time that you provoked him into such an extreme state. His hands gestured wildly and you could truly tell it was taking all of his will power to not lay a hand on you. Visibly, the situation was serious but you had to fight the grin threatening to break out on your face. It was fun seeing him break.

“All you do is act like a child, running around and playing and never taking responsibility. You have squandered every single opportunity that we have given you and now, oh now, you’ve gone too far! Selling a family heirloom!? Do you know the kind of spiritual power it possessed? And you gave it away like some common vase.”

You were extremely amused about the whole thing. The vase in question had some mild purification powers from the various gems and metal alloys that were used to forge it but as far as spiritual powers, it possessed practically none. It was a grand vase with an even grander history and while the facts of who owned it and how it was passed down are relatively true, its abilities were greatly embellished by Tonto Callen—the second person to own it. He was a man with a grandiose sense of self-worth who claimed to be able to do many things that he could not do. But he must have been blessed by some god because the man had the luck of blind fool running through a battle field and surviving. Tonto Callen, man of low born status who could swindle the most skeptical of people, managed to obtain the vase and seeing the almost ethereal glow of the gems he, for some odd reason, decided to claim to be an exorcist. He was charismatic and convincing enough that he got hired to exorcise a demon tormenting a small village in the Alps. He was such a good conman that he had even convinced himself that he was capable of such feats. The demon though, turned out to be a high-level water demon and when he came face to face with death Tonto did what he did best— lie. He claimed that the small vase he carried held immense spiritual power, enough to vanquish and seal the demon. The demon, of course, didn’t believe him—Tonto’s bluff was about to be called until the a ray of moonlight peaked out the clouds and hit the vase in such a way that all the jewels and metals glowed and sparkled causing multicolored rays of light to dance around the ground and air. The demon retreated at the sight and now believing the powers to be true, it fled the village never to return. Tonto became a well-known hero(read: Fraud) and found himself ever so lucky to marrying into a prominent exorcist family: The Vortunes. The hilarious irony of the powerful blood of the Vortune family being tainted by a conman claiming to hold vast power was just too hilarious

You had researched the vase very carefully; locating and researching every little detail it. Even _you_ weren’t a big enough asshole to sell something of actual importance.

His tirade went on for another ten minutes before his shoulders slumped in defeat. There was truly no hope for you. “Leave. I renounce you as my daughter and as a member of this family. Please leave and never comeback.”

He had been expecting tears, frustration and begging but all you did was walk upstairs and come back down with a backpack full of your belongings as if this was the end you had always suspected. He had expected too much.

Had they not already performed various tests; he would have thought you were possessed by a demon.

Walking out of the doors of the Vortune estate felt amazing. It felt like a new beginning. With nothing left to weigh you down, you could travel to where ever your heart desired.

_“Well Mori, Do you want to walk or take the train?”_

_"_ **_Let’s walk. I quite like the mountains at night.”_ **

****

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

****

With almost inhuman strength Lewin was thrown off you and slammed into the ground. He could feel the pressure of your hand on his neck and the painful pressure of your knee in his abdomen adding to the budding pain of bruising already developing on his back. Your face was blank but your eyes were alight with anger. You leaned closer to his face your mouth forming into a sneer, the anger in your eyes becoming clouded with an emotion he had seldom see you wear— _disappointment._

“I had thought that maybe you were different . . . but your just like every other _human_.” The last word was spit out as if it were poison and for the first time hearing you say he was human didn’t bring him satisfaction.

You closed your eyes and sat up, your hand never lightening the pressure on his throat, and let out a slow breath before opening your eyes and staring down at him.

Cold.

There was no warmth, no anger, and no disappointment left in your eyes. There was simply nothing. You were looking at him as if he was a stranger, like every memory and interaction had never existed.

It was the look you gave your parents, your sister, and the majority of the people you met. It was a look of total indifference.

You didn’t need them.

You _never_ needed anyone.

And now, you were throwing him away.

You didn’t need him.

You never needed him.

“Everyone always wants something from me, to be better, to be more, to be someone they think I should be, and if I don’t meet their expectations then I’m a failure, worthless, a _liar_. But I’ve never once lied about who I am; I just chose not to tell them. Not to tell _you_. I live my life how I want to and I am **not** obligated to conform myself to others wants and desires. I don’t owe anyone a single part of myself. I don’t owe anything to **_you_** _._ Traitor? I can be no such thing as I cannot deceive or break the trust of a bond that does not exist. Like you Lewin, I have principles. The demons don’t align with mine and as of right now my alignment with exorcists is only valid as long as its beneficial to me. There is nothing more and nothing less.”

And with those last words, you let go of his neck, stood up, and walked away.

Lewin laid on the ground memories flowing through his mind.

_There’s something wrong with that man_

_He’s a good exorcist but he’s just not right_

_Is he really human_

_Empty_

_Emotionless_

_Alone_

Lewin’s face contorted into an uncharacteristic frown. His eyes glanced up when Ryuji’s body cast a shadow over his face.

Ryuji looked at Lewin with a face of disappointment.

“You fucked up.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m leaving True Cross.”

Mephisto stared intensely at you, “We had a deal miss Alana and there are consequences for breaking it.”

**_“Do not take him lightly Alana. He may dress like a baffoon, but he is still a king of hell and powerful figure within the True Cross Order, It would be best to head his word and—"_ **

“Nothing, not the twenty limited edition matcha chocolates or thinly veiled threats will make me stay in this place with **that man**!”

**_“You stubborn brat! He could—"_ **

“Ah well I tried,” Mephisto sighed, dramatically throwing his arms in the air, spinning his chair around in a cirle, “I guess there’s nothing that I can do to make you stay

 _Too easy._ **_Too easy._** Mori and you thought in synchronization

Despite your reservations, Mephisto waved you away, a false tear forming in his eye as he turned his chair around to face away from you.

_Do I just go?_

You were frozen in place, confused and caught off guard. He had to be playing you. But not wanting to call his bluff, you took the opportunity to stiffly turn around and awkwardly walk towards the door. A nervous jitter ran through your body, the situation was uncertain and uncomfortable and you couldn’t help but feel like a child again unsure if you had been granted proper permission to leave the room. Your hand settled on the ornately decorated door handle and you shouted out a bit too aggressively, “I’m leaving now, goodbye.”

“Ah it’s such a shame really, I guess I’ll just have to burn the recipe.”

Of course it wasn’t that easy, it’s never that easy with Mephisto. He was toying with you just for his amusement and just because you weren’t surprised by doesn’t make it any less frustrating. It’s impossible just to have a straight forward interaction with the demon. You really should just turn the door handle and go, just leave, and don’t look back. Just slowly turn—

“What recipe?” You growled, snapping your neck a little too sharply, to glare at Mephisto. Seriously, the demon could make a madman go mad.

_Fucking dammit_

With a dramatic flourish, Mephisto turned his chair back around towards you and with a embellished arm movement he held up a simple brown piece of paper with fancy delicate handwriting. “So glad you asked my dear, but I’m afraid there’s, _nothing_ that could keep you here, so there’s really no point in telling you.”

You really hoped mephisto could tell how much you wanted to punch him. Normally you wouldn’t rise to the bait and let your emotions take control, but the incident with Lewin had set you on edge. “Just fucking tell me!”

“Very well my dear, here in my hand I hold the recipe for the ultimate sponge cake, the best to have ever been created.” Mephisto’s grin transitioned into one of malicious amusement. He knew he had you and that you wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon.

**_“W-we should leave, uh now, right?”_ **

**** _“I can hear you drooling, there’s no way that we can turn it down.”_

The ultimate sponge cake was invented back in Victorian England by a no name chef who first served it at a ratty inn. It was describe as being as fluffy as the visage of a cloud and moist and melty without being gummy or raw with a baked color that rivaled polished gold. Almost overnight, the cake became a glorious sensation in the worn down residential district of London where it was born. All of the Chef’s neighbors stood in line just for a taste and none left disappointed. Its fame grew and soon, people from all over London, followed by people from all over Britain, began travelling to try the cake, until finally word reached the ears of royalty. The English monarchy and court decided to bring the chef to the Palace to see if in fact, it was the best sponge cake. As soon as the first bite hit their tongues, they were hooked and the chef was hired on full time. The chef never wrote down the recipe and refused to share it with anyone. Many tried to mimic the recipe and some even attempted to steal it by watching the Chef bake it. But they all failed. No one could replicate the cake. The Chef grew old in age despite the begging of the royal family and threats against his relatives, The Chef refused to share the recipe. He died on a cold winter morning and the ultimate sponge cake died with him, lost to all of history.

 _How in the fucking hell did he get his hands on that!?_ You were truly and utterly gob smacked, your mouth agape in shock.

Mephisto’s grin widened, stretching the corners of his mouth inhumanely. “I have quite a sweet tooth myself, and as soon as the rumors spread to my ears singing about such a delectable treat, I sought out the Chef himself, and it was a very simple matter to _convince_ him to give me the recipe, with exact instructions and all his personal notes.” Mephisto placed the centuries old recipe on his desk while he confidently crossed his hands under his chin. “That despicable man has thrown a little wrench into my plans, so let’s up the terms of our deal, shall we?”

You straitened your shoulders. “What do you propose?”

“The terms of our original deal stay in place. Until, I say so, you continue to stay here at True Cross Academy. With the Illuminati escalating the situation, I would hate to lose such a valuable player. The academy and Japanese branch are too much of a target to leave inadequately protected. I’ll even give you the limited-edition chocolates now, as a kindness for having to deal Lightening. The recipe will come as a reward after the deal has finished. But . . .”

A cold chill ran down your spin.

“. . . if you fail to uphold your end of the deal, there will be consequences. Understand?”

“Yes.” You knew better than to question whether Mephisto would uphold his end of the deal. It wasn’t openly spoken of but anyone who had dealings with the demon knew that the quickest way to enrage him was to question his given word. It was a strange code of honor that he chose to follow and part of the reason he often spoke so indirectly.

The click of the door behind you as your walked out was the most relieving sound in the world.

_“That was terrifying . . .let’s not piss him of again.”_

**_“But we got an even better deal. That cake . . . let’s try again!”_ **

_“No! No! NO!”_

**_“I’m just kidding— that monster has too much information that he could hold over our heads. I have no desire to invoke unnecessary wrath.”_ **

_“It’s nice to see that you occasionally have common sense. Once the deal is done, let’s leave this place okay? How does America sound?”_

****

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lewin had expected you to turn tail and run. Traveling to the most remote place you could possibly think of. He’d always find you but even he was growing tired of the hunt. Which is why he was pleasantly surprised to find you still living at the academy. He eavesdropped on student’s and faculty’s conversations catching glimpses of your movements within the stone walls. Ryuji, kindly, had even mentioned the exact location of where he just spoke to you. But Lewin already knew you wouldn’t remain in the same spot.

If you weren’t running then you were hiding. Over the years you had grown greatly adept at slinking and slipping through hidden nooks and crannies like a mouse and he likewise had developed skills to sniff you out. But you were especially attentive this time; the most he could do was catch a glimpse of your hair before you disappeared around a corner. It was unfortunate that he couldn’t devote attention needed to find you with the investigation taking priority in his mind and actions. But he dug his hole so now he must lie in it. But despite his ~~obsession~~ dedication to uncovering the traitor his mind couldn’t help but occasionally and intensely ruminate over your absence and Mephisto’s role in your continued stay.

Even with the war between the exorcists and Satan escalating thanks to the illuminati, he knew that you would not have chosen to stay at True Cross Academy solely out of the goodness of your own heart. He also doubted that threats were enough and Mephisto, for as nasty as he could be if he so chose, did not prefer to use violence to force his game pieces into place. No, without a doubt, you and Mephisto had struck a deal and he really wanted to know what it was. How had Mephisto managed to chain down someone who constantly takes flight into the wind?

Lewin was absolutely not above playing dirty. In fact, he reveled in it both figuratively and literally. Which is why he decided to use his old trick of sleeping in your bed. But it didn’t work. Nighttime came and went and although he was attentive and awake he never even heard footsteps in the hallway. He had one of his summons watching the room to inform him about anyone entering the room but you never came back to sleep or grab anything. He kept coming back each night but after two weeks he was more than sure that you would not be back. Even so, Lewin returned to you room any time he wanted to sleep. He truly slept best surrounded by you soft blankets and your scent.

One day he got lucky and you were uncharacteristically zoned out. He turned down one of the many unnecessary long stone hallways of the academy and saw you walking through an open-air hallway on the west edge of the building that ran perpendicular to the one he had just turned onto. If he had been but a second later, he would have missed you entirely. Lewin was not by any means a poetic man and he while he ‘loved’ humans and held an intense fascination for the world they lived in, he did often feel the beauty of the world. But looking at you— your eyes downcast in a solemn look, your hand reaching up to try and tame your hair blowing in the wind, the sunlight and blue sky framing your body— Lewin felt awe at your existence in that moment and for the first time since he had attacked you, he felt peaceful, the storm of his thoughts quieting and slotting into organized place. It felt refreshing in way that no amount of sleep had ever done. The wind danced down the hallway, channeled but the tunnel of the hallway, quick and sharp, it reached him tousling his hair and lifting up the brim of his hat and in that moment you looked straight at him. You didn’t even give him time to utter your name before you quickly turned around and jumped off the second story balcony. You had literally jumped out of a building to escape him. Damn.

His investigation was coming to end, he was damn sure he knew who the traitor was but he needed one more confirmation or as Ryuji had come to say ‘confrontation. The evidence was being compiled and written up dutifully by Ryuji who had quite the affinity for writing reports in the excessive and heavily formatted jargon the Vatican preferred.

There wasn’t much time left to reconcile with you. It was bothering him badly and his thumb looked infected from how much he had been worrying the skin and nail with his teeth. Your absence only made his obsession grow stronger. His desires were dark and lovely and truly you were the only person who could ever accept a man like him.

Lewin loved a good hunt. Investigating and brutally revealing people’s misdeeds and buried secrets delighted him but as soon as he got the information he required, the ecstasy would fade and those he tortured would not even be granted a single afterthought within his mind. No sleep was ever lost and no faces ever remained despite the lives that lay destroyed in his wake.

But he was done hunting you. There was no pleasure in it anymore, only anger and frustration. He wouldn’t let you go this time—he would cage you—or mark you so you could never escape. It had always been different with you. He had never wanted to just simply crack open your mind and break your body to fulfill his desire. No, he wanted to you to trust him and to love him. He wanted you to willingly bare your soul to him, to be on your knees begging for him, desiring him like he desired you.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ah Alana, thank you for coming.” Mephisto smiled with his head slightly tilted to the side. He was playful, which meant he was playing a game. One that you didn’t want to be a part. Unfortunately, not playing Mephisto’s game was not an option.

Straight forward and blank, giving him no wiggle room to play with your words was always the best option. “What is it you require of me Mephisto?”

“Ah don’t worry, nothing big, I just need you to deliver this letter to Lewin.”

You couldn’t control the creasing of your brown and your voice strained to keep control of the now present and pounding irritation coursing through your body. “I would rather not. Surely there is someone else who could do this? What about that assistant of yours?”

“Ah I’m afraid not! Everyone is absolutely busy, I would deliver it myself but as you can see, I’m swamped.” Mephisto replied flippantly, gesturing widely to his empty desk. “Besides,” He continued, “You are an esquire, it’s your job to run these errands for those of higher rank and there’s really no other esquires I could ask to carry such an important letter. I have great trust in your abilities and that this letter will arrive safely delivered from your hands into Lewin’s.”

Fuck Mephisto, seriously fuck him. There was no choice but to follow his orders.

You clenched your teeth. “Very well _Mephisto,”_ You said vehemently, instilling as much malice as you could into emphasizing his name, “ I will personally deliver your letter. Rest assured it will reach its required destination safely.”

“I would expect nothing less.”

You stormed down the hallways, rapidly walking on a war path towards Lewin’s office. The sea of people in the hallways parted before you, no one was willing to stand in the face of the normally amicable esquire’s palpable and suffocating wrath.

With all the strength you could muster, you kicked Lewin’s door open, breaking the lock and severely damaging the hinges. Poor Ryuji had the large book he was reading held tightly over his head ready to defend himself. He was rightfully freaked out.

“Lewin.”

Ryuji’s brows furrowed in confusion. What the fuck was happening?

“Where. Is. That. Man.” You spat out.

“Ah, I’m not sure, he’s uh been disappearing around this time ever since—well ever since your altercation.”

“Understood.”

You left as suddenly as you had came and poor Ryuji sat half-hazardly in his chair, the book that had been in his hand thumping loudly on the floor. Really, what the fuck just happened?

Your stared out of large glass windows of the hallway, staring at the beautiful colors blooming on the clouds as the sun continued its descent. You stood staring out the window, the tension in your body fading along with the light. You were just tired, so so tired. You had geared up your anger, pushed yourself into a rage all in order to look Lewin in the face because if you were angry then you wouldn’t have to feel the fear and the pain. If you were angry then you could hold the stitched the pieces of yourself that were irreparably falling apart. If you were angry then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much, when Lewin looked at you with that face. Like you were betrayed you and try as you might you were unable to erase them and despite your effort over the years, you no longer had the energy to run.

You felt Mori’s presence in the back of your mind, normally a constant and reassuring blanket that could you cocoon you from the world. But not this time.

**_“Alana, its okay.”_ **

Your eyes widened in surprise. “ _But I promised you_ —”

 ** _“Its okay,”_** it repeated, “ ** _No matter what happens, I will stand by your side._** ”

“ _Thank you.”_

Ah really your room? You weren’t sure whether it was expected or surprising. Did he still—

No you didn’t want to entertain the thought. You were there to simply deliver a letter and then leave. This would be the end of everything.

You slowly turned the brass handle, opening the door, allowing the dim evening light to shine from the hallway into your darkened room. For a second you thought you had been mistaken, but as your eyes adjusted you made out the distinct shape of a body curled up in the blankets of your bed

“Lewin”

The body stirred and slowly sat up, the covers slipping away, revealing Lewin. It was still too dark for you to make out he clear details of his face, not that it would help you as his hair still obscured his eyes. You couldn’t read him and it made you nervous. The last barrier slipped away as Lewin stood up from the bed facing you.

You kept your face blank and your voice firm, “Mephisto asked me to deliver this letter to you.” Lewin didn’t react at all and it was uncomfortable because though you couldn’t see his eyes, you could feel his intense gaze on you. You hated feeling this way and just wanted this tension to disappear. “Please, take the letter, Mephisto emphasized its importance with reaching you.”

“Alana—”

“Lewin please take the letter.” You were losing your composure. This wasn’t how you wanted this to go.

Lewin slowly reached out his hand and the fear in your heart grew. You didn’t even realize that you were taking steps backwards, instinctively readying yourself to bolt from the room, your body turned, your steps taking you even farther from Lewin—

He grabbed your wrist tightly in his right hand, keeping you in place while simultaneously moving forward and slamming the door behind you with his left hand. He didn’t leave you any time to react as he quickly pinned your body between his and the door, a low creaking leaving the spot on the wooden door where his left hand pressed hard against it boxing you in. You couldn’t breath and remained frozen in place like a deer in headlights. The darkness of room cut off your sight causing your other senses to momentarily heighten. You listened to his breathing, the warm breath causing shivers to run down your spine as he slowly leaned his head down to rest on your right shoulder, as if he was collapsing.

He broke the tense silence blanketing the room and brokenly begged, “Please . . . please don’t leave me. Don’t leave me alone.”

And then you were shattering, falling apart into pieces, tears brimming along the corner of your eyes, your expression turning to anguish. You desperately gripped the hair along the back of his neck as you slipped towards the ground, no longer able to keep your body standing. Lewin refused to part from you and your legs parted on the floor to allow him to continue embracing you. If he was going to be honest, then you might as well be honest to.

“Your cruel Lewin, really cruel, you know that?

He gripped you tighter, desperately trying to bury his head farther into the crook of your neck as if doing so could keep the feeling of you slipping away from him at bay.

“Ever since I was a child, I was alone . . . just a ghost drifting in a world that I didn’t belong, watching everyone pass me by. I hated that world, so I created my own and I was happy. But then you had to go and ruin it. I tried for so long to push you away, to hate you, to run away from you but no matter what I did you kept coming back!”

A loathsome chuckle left your lips, cracking slowly as you let out a hoarse pained sob, “You were a damn leech, I couldn’t rid of, I even—I even began to enjoy your pestering visits and before I even realized it my life felt emptier without you. You single handedly destroyed the happy world I had built for myself. But you never truly came for me, I knew, but stupidly, I began to desire you, to think of you as mine. But I was just a curiosity to you, an investigation to complete. You were always so damn perceptive, from the very beginning. I couldn’t tell you the truth no matter what because then you’d leave me.”

Your anguish quickly turned to anger as you violently pulled on his hair gripped in your fingers and began to fight his embrace, desperately trying to free your hands and land a blow on him. He squeezed tighter, using his own weight to his advantage, no doubt causing purple bruises to develop beneath your skin. “Asking me to stay? How cruel can you be? How much more will you take from me until your curiosity is satisfied? Will you torture me!? Carve me to pieces!? I knew better-but still! I strung you along all these years because my hope that I had buried refused to die—I never meant anything to you did I!?” You stopped your thrashing as your voiced quieted into a whimper. “Just take whatever you want, I’ll tell you everything but after, please, never come near me again.”

Madness was swirling in Lewin’s eyes, a beautifully wicked smile stretched across his lips. He could hardly contain his excitement. He was happy, really happy. He really did have poor self-control; he had wanted to hide this part of himself from you. He kept it carefully under lock and chain, less he frighten you away, but he couldn’t contain the desire to possess you any longer. He had spent years chasing you, growing more frustrated and desperate as you slipped through his fingers like smoke. Really this was going better than he hoped for. He had spent all these years worming his way into your mind and multiplying like a virus. So much time had passed, he had lost hope that he could make you his, turn you into his tether, into his home. But his diligence had rewarded him. You felt the same way, desperate to hang on to any little piece of him that you could grasp. He really couldn’t contain himself.

You let out a shocked pained gasp as Lewin sunk his teeth into your shoulder. “Lewin—” You tried to gasp out, the words dying on your lips as a breathy moan left body, your eyes widening in shock as his tongue replaced his teeth, lapping attentively at the wound, almost as if he was savoring your blood like a delicious treat. He pulled his body back, finally revealing his face to you, his mouth twisted into a wild grin. He moved his right hand to the back of your neck, gripping your hair tight as he placed his left hand where your collar bone met your neck. It wasn’t a threat, but still the heat emanating from his hand and callouses pressing against your soft skin were both a claim and a reminder that in this situation he was control. He stared directly into your eyes and it took all of your willpower not to glance away from the shear intensity of them.

The strength of his affect on you was appalling. Your emotions were already raw and he was abusing them with the intent of making them bleed. A deer beneath the gaze of a wolf, there was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide; not even from yourself. You were sure that he could see straight into your being, straight into the wanton cravings licking tenuously away, asking for more and more, and despite years of absolute denial, you could no longer keep your true self at a bay, the side of you that wants Lewin, wants him now, every part of him and all that he has been and will ever be.

His smile remained the same but his eyes darkened and his voice took on a dangerous lilt, his entire presence in that moment was absolutely carnal. “Well darlin’ “It seems we’ve been misunderstanding each other, doncha think?”

Your brain is foggy but the rays of realization begin to pierce through the veil and disbelief cuts through the rest returning you to momentary clarity. Could he—? No, you had never dared to dream that Lewin could feel the same.

Your eyes widened in shock, staring desperately into Lewin’s eyes, searching, searching, searching.

He could see, clear as day, the thoughts running rampant through your mind, the fear, the disbelief, he couldn’t leave you alone to interpret his emotions, as you without a doubt had a habit of jumping to the worse conclusions which usually resulted in you running away. He would have to tighten the chains. You wouldn’t be running away this time.

His left hand began greedily stroking your collar bone, enjoying immensely the feeling of being able to touch you so freely. His fingers moved up to your jugular vein feeling the pulse of your life beneath his fingers, elated at the fact that is picked up speed under his ministrations.

His eyes were terrifying, looking like a wolf in famine, hunger burning in its eyes, ready to devour its prey.

His hands continued their ascent reaching your plump and soft lips. His thumb brushed softly against the delicate skin, all too close to the beautiful life blood coursing through your veins. The soft moment broken when he forced his thumb between your lips, pinning your tongue down as as the rest of his fingers gripped your chin, forcing your lower jaw down. A spark rushed through him, arousal burning as you let out a wanton moan, clearly unexpected as you involuntarily jerked your head as a scarlet hue spread across your cheeks. A bit saliva drooled from you mouth as he took far too much pleasure in the feeling of your tongue against his thumb. “Aah so pure, so lovely, **_mine_**.” He mumbled, his voice soaked in debauchery dropping low with a rough lilt.

He then slammed his lips into yours. The kiss was brutal and unforgiving. He was selfishly taking and not giving anything in return. He was conveying himself to you, all of his anger, frustration, desire and love, exchanging them with bruised lips and bloody nips of teeth. Your mind couldn’t focus, overwhelmed and lost in all that was Lewin, his name a steady chant in your head. Half of the intense emotions oozing from him you hardly understood and he most likely didn’t understand them either. He was trying to possess you, and you were letting him, letting him devour your soul and joy filled your body as deliciously dirty thoughts danced around in your head. You would do the same to him.

Once he had temporarily sated himself, he pulled away, his pleasurable expression shifting to one of anger, “Do you know what it feels like? To reach so desperately, to watch you slip through my hands, like I meant nothing? Every time we met, I thought for sure, that I had finally possessed you but then you’d be gone leaving me empty, fucking alone. Alana, Alana, Alana, If I make your mind my home, you’ll never be able to leave again right? That secret of yours—keeping me from you—it pisses me off! So don’t hide from me anymore, okay?” The tone of his voice made his intentions clear, he was no longer asking but demanding and no would not be an acceptable answer. “I want to see it. I want to see everything that you are.” _I want you to finally be mine.”_

Without saying a word, you gently pushed Lewin away, brushing you hand against his face as you did so, in order to assure him that you were not running away.

You closed you eyes as you began unbuttoning your blouse, button by button, you could feel Lewin’s gaze taking in every ounce of revealed skin, his bodies energy barely containing his excitement and desire to touch you. Once the last button had been removed you reached your arms behind your back and unclasped your bra and then slipped both your blouse and bra off together, laying your self bare before him, the truth no longer hidden. You slowly opened your eyes, thick lashes framed Lilac irises framing cat eyed pupils.

In that moment no words were said. Relief and calming peace filled your bodies as all the years of pain and anger towards each other faded away.

Lewin reached towards your torso and began to trace the markings stretching across your chest, breasts and stomach. With just one look he deduced the reason for your narcolepsy, heightened sense, and other various abilities. Your ‘imaginary friend’ as you had told him all those years ago, was very much real. But he had never imagined that you would go to such lengths.

The scars on your torso were rough and jagged, clearly made by your hand. With a resolute will and immense pain you had carved a permanent summoning seal onto your body.

“I used the knife you gave me for my birthday.”

Lewin’s eyes widened in surprise as twisted joy filled him at the thought of another connection tethering him to you. A part of himself etched into your skin.

“Mori, is its name, and it wants to meet you.” You said reaching out and placing your hands on the sides of Lewin’s head, pulling his head forward so that his forehead pressed against yours.

Lewin could feel power flowing into his mind from your hands and the next thing he knew he was standing before a great beast, a dragon, with skin of moving lava. A powerful summon indeed. Of all the demons that were categorized as using red flame, this being was at the top of the hierarchy. The blue flames were the strongest, being able to burn whatever they chose, black flames came second, being able to obliterate demon ego’s, bodies, and human and demon souls, and third red flames, physical flames not bound solely to Gehenna, existing in Assiah the flames could be found in nature and utilized by humans. But depending on the level of summon, red flames could surpass black flames, bringing pure destruction. Red flames can not burn the demon’s ego like black flames, but it could violently destroy the physically manifested bodies tied to plane of Assiah along with the destruction of the earth and its living beings. A volcanic dragon was truly the perfect manifestation of that power.

Mori stared at Lewin before speaking to him in its inhuman voice, “You’re a fucking creep and an ass.”

Lewin burst out laughing, “Yah I am!”

Mori let out a grunt turning to you, disgust clear in it’s voice, “Please add the mind block to the seal, I do not wish to see what happens next.”

Lewin found himself back in your bedroom, your eyes no longer demonic. You reached into the pocket of your pants pulling out a small pin with a sealing symbol carved into the tiny head and then pushed it into your body at the very center of the seal.

“We were worried about disabling the summoning, what if it had been a fluke? We couldn’t take the risk, so I carved this into my body so Mori and I would never have to be apart, but sometimes, we need some space to ourselves so we figured out how to block our minds from each other.” You glanced up at Lewin, renewed desire burning in your eyes, “Lewin, possess me and never let me go.”

He was all too delighted to oblige

You both left violent and bloody marks on each other’s bodies, desperate to physically carve yourselves onto each other, tainting each other inside and out. It was twisted, darkly beautiful, absolutely fucked up, but so so right and everything you both could have asked for.

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Under the nighttime sky, Mephisto stood gazing, leaning against the railing of his balcony. Content and happy with the turn of events that he had orchestrated. _Truly_ , he thought, _there are no humans more suited for each other than those two._

The only word that Mephisto had written on the letter he had asked you to give to Lewin was _Congratulations._


End file.
